Making Friends as an Adult, part 1

Categories Making Friends As An Adult Is Hard, Randomness0 Comments

Originally written Dec. 7, 2013.

So I totally botched my first chance to make a friend tonight. We’ve been in Singapore for 3 days now and are starting to feel a little at home. I’ve made a couple dinners, we’ve gone out to do errands, and the kiddo’s nap schedule is on track.

So I was totally starting to feel like I had things under control. Then comes the hotel Christmas party. I think, sure, sounds fun, lets go (even though the kiddo and I were already in PJ’s and not planning to go anywhere at her bedtime, but anything to avoid the hotel room monotony, right?).

It looks fantastic when we get up there.  The pool area is decorated with lights, and tables are set up with snacks. The kiddo wants to eat as she barely ate dinner, and I want to eat to avoid mingling with the few other folks out there. A mother with two small girls comes in and sits some distance away. My hubs saw her this afternoon while running errands. He wants to introduce the kiddo to her girls. I tell him, go for it, but kids take forever to acclimate to one another, so don’t expect much.

As he walks away, I realize I will be a total douche for sitting alone while Chris makes friends, so I grudgingly tag along.

Not-So-Quick aside:
Why am I so reluctant to meet this woman? I overheard her speaking German this AM in the hall outside breakfast, and I LOVE my German friends back home. With the hubs about to start working 24/7, I should be all over her (in a totally appropriate way, of course). So why the reluctance?

A. Maybe she won’t like me.

B. It’s loud by the pool and hard to hear, and I don’t know if she will understand me and vice versa, too stressful.

C. I just wanted to visit the party briefly before putting the kiddo to bed and having some perfect, amazing mommy-alone-time.

D. I was crabby from having woken up inexplicably at 3:30am that morning (aaaand it happened again tonight, hence the blogging (because who has time during the day with a toddler?) (btw, I’m writing this on my phone with a towel over my head to block the light so the hubs can sleep (just thought you should have that visual))). (Aaaand it sounds like she is now awake too, at 4:30am. Can’t a woman write a blog?! Sheesh!)

E. My lack of mobility will be a total issue in going out and doing fun things, and though my friends back home loved me and dealt with me anyway, it seems like a burden to someone new, like they should go find a better option than me. I also just don’t feel like me anymore, so it’s hard to open up to someone new.

F. What if I don’t like her? Will I somehow be committing myself to forever friendship with someone I barely know just because my husband is social? We don’t even know where we will be living yet, and it can be so hard to maintain friendships when distance is involved.

The answer is all and none of the above. Under the surface, I think I’m just not ready yet. I’m still in mourning over the friends and family I have left. Leaving was like a death to me. It was the death of my old life, thus making way for the new. It was more difficult than I am even letting myself feel, though I know the mini-bouts of depression are evidence. I’m not ready to move on just yet.


So the hubs went on over, and I reluctantly followed, and used the kiddo as a pretext for being distracted and not so involved in the conversation, though I participated a bit. I then begged off saying the kiddo had to go to bed, and knocked a glass of wine off a table on my way out (hubs saved it, but it ruined his shorts).  The kiddo had way more fun, climbing on lounge chairs with the other two girls, getting a photo with two guys dressed like Santa, and a cookie present.


Chris came back up to the room about 30 minutes later with her phone number (for me of course) letting me know that her hubs works all the time and she is looking for things to do with the girls.


I’m so not ready, but I will call her this week.

I did try to text her several times, though for some reason my texts would always fail.  I ran into her at breakfast one day and found out they were moving out of the hotel that weekend (to an area far from where we were looking for a home).  I gave her my number, and she texted me.  I tried to respond back, and the text failed over and over.  I think this friendship was just doomed…  Oh well.

Click here to go to part 2 of this post…

Jennifer Jasensky is a Dubai resident, United States transplant, former mathematics teacher and dancer/choreographer. She is an outgoing homebody and perpetual idealist whose love of learning knows no bounds. She is most happy enjoying a good book with a plate of kaya toast, runny eggs, and kopi-c peng siew dai, but now that she has moved from
Singapore to Dubai, drinking an iced latte in the ocean is fast becoming her happy place.

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