Written at the start of this blog, around December 2013.
- A raging perfectionist.
- A workaholic.
- Stressed, anxious, sick all the time.
- People pleaser.
- People fearer.
- Self hater.
Then I had a baby. My perfectionism ramped up to the nth degree and was completely unsustainable. With much urging from my mom, and many many MANY tears, I began to learn how to flow. I’ve even had people tell me that I am really laid back (no comment could shock me more). I think mom knows best though… her word for me: intense.
But I am truly starting to heal. In the years since my kiddos were born, I have come a long way. I am not always wracked with anxiety. At times, I have let good enough BE enough. I have had friends over while the house was messy. I have done the bare minimum, gone out without showering, and not shaven for weeks (and weeks…). I haven’t tried to please every single person in my life. I have braved the world of mommy groups. I have cut myself some slack, allowed myself to sometimes feel good about my mothering. But it really is not enough yet.
Hence this blog. I need some accountability and some structure. Putting it all out in the blogosphere somehow makes me feel like I need to make progress. For real. (Really hoping this works…) :)
So yeah. That’s me. Truly any mom. Crazed, worried, trying to cope, hoping to succeed in this role as mother. Trying to figure out what it means to succeed in this role.
What I do have going for me is hope (and tenacity). I know there is a better way, a more authentic way for me to mother. I want to mother the way *I* want to mother. I need to figure out what that is… and then not be too tired to actually do it.
I promise to be totally honest and realistic about my attempts and my failures–and I hope they are enjoyable to read.
Woman, wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister, homemaker, writer, math teacher, choreographer, entrepreneur, book club maker, people helper, Jesus follower, always driven, outgoing homebody, and perpetual idealist.